The modern age-old question, if that makes sense. Do men purposely avoid single mothers?
Well some do some don’t.
Would you avoid a single father? Some of you will, some won’t.
I think I’ve put together a well thought out discussion of the topic.
I’ve listed some reason why some guys I know avoid single mothers at all costs, and while others would love to date a mother.
Just depends on how you look at it I think. Either way, enjoy or despise what I’ve shared.
Testosterone can be blamed for why some men avoid single
mothers. Men are competitive by their very nature. Moreover, finding a
potential mate really is the most important sport of all in the minds of nearly
Looks, financial security, intelligence are all things that play a part in this pursuit. We know that the ladies keep score also, no matter what they say.
So within that competitive spirit lays the first point you can take to the bank. Many men will shun at an opportunity to become what they believe is second best.
Also, they will assume that something is wrong if the other guy didn’t stay. It usually goes something like this. “She’s pretty and intelligent, then she must be crazy.”
Yes, this is how some men think about women we meet that we think are great, but has kids and no spouse around. Something must be wrong with her.
This can be looked at as a challenge or something else to worry about depending on the guy. If women are really honest about it, they will be able to see that little boys are very protective of mom. As well they should be.
I think kids are naturally trustworthy, and it’s not hard to win them over. However, if we have to worry about him throwing a tantrum because he’s sees mom hugging us, then it’s a problem.
We don’t think it’s cute or adorable. We think that Mom should have a talk with him and get to root of why he acts like this.
Is it because he’s never been put in this situation? Or is it because he really wants daddy to come back? Which brings me to my next point.
Whether women choose to believe this or not, men often use children as a means of control. They know they will always have a place in the woman’s life through the child.
A woman might be more apt to put up with something she wouldn’t normally tolerate if kids weren’t involved.
How many times have you heard this line? “Don’t have no dudes around my kids!”
Yeah, we’ve heard it said probably more.
This can be a very noble conversation, but it’s mostly just used to exert a measure of control. So a single man without kids might avoid single mothers because of the child’s father.
A younger single man is more likely to avoid single mothers if he doesn’t have any kids. He’ll have an attitude of not wanting to financially support kids that aren’t his.
I think this comes from not experiencing life enough to empathize with any situation that isn’t self-serving.
The best thing a woman can do is let the guy know up-front what is expected. Whether you need his financial support or not is something that should be known to him before feelings get involved.
Nobody wants to feel obligated to do something after they start to like a person. This can be perceived as not being fair and the woman using him.
If he doesn’t have experience dealing with a single mother you might be in for a rough ride. Men really do believe the world revolves around them.
In some ways, society sets it up that way. The man with no kids will not totally understand why you can’t spend time with him when he wants you too.
He might say something like, “can’t you just get your mom to babysit,” without understanding what you have going on. He’s used to coming before most things in his childless relationships.
In his subconscious he will most likely think that if she really likes me, then she would do it.
This kind of man might be more of a hassle for you than a single mother would be to him. So you might want to avoid him in this situation.
There are a myriad of reasons why some mean don't avoid single mothers. However, all reasons aren't well intentioned.
Let's explore a couple of these
Some men know that single mothers are prone to be insecure
about their situation. I will tell you that I’m being brutally honest with this
assessment. They seek out these mothers and many times; it’s not for the
purpose of having a relationship.
If you believe that us men finding mates is a competition and we know women keep score; you have to know that men keep score also.
This also has roots in the controlling area I spoke about earlier. If I can sense that you’re weak concerning how you view yourself, then I can instantly calculate that you’ll let your guard down with the slightest attention from me.
So don’t be vulnerable and fall for anything. Get to know the guy first, and don’t be afraid to be patient.
Every man you meet can’t be defined as a jerk. There are many men that prefer a single mother. The numbers speak for themselves. Many women without kids are just immature. The same way younger guys are.
This is how I see it. If she can take care of her kids the right way, then she would definitely know how to take care of me if need be.
In essence, if a great mother nurtured every great man, then it’s kind of easy to see how that same man would want those traits in his partner. Some things are not rocket science regarding relationships.
I heard Iyanla Vanzant say that everybody either marries his or her parents or the opposite of their parents. I would prefer not to marry the opposite if this is true.
So every man doesn’t prey on single mothers but you should still take your time. This is appropriate whether you have kids or not.
If you’re a single mother and you think I’m full of it, let me know. I would love to hear your perspective. I personally don’t avoid single mothers, but I’ve dated a few that have made me skeptical.
If you’re one of the guys that avoid single mothers at all cost, let the ladies know why. I’m sure they can’t wait to hear from you. Just everybody keep it tasteful, that’s all I ask.